As I scan my card and enter through the capsule and come out the other side, I am another. With my suit on, I believe my armour will protect me and allow me to be invincible to the deadly, silent and invisible bullets that are showered at me on a daily basis. I manoeuvre around the maze of “we have to groom you” bullet; to the “there is a limited pool of black talent” bullet. I duck the “don’t focus on the small bonus, rather embrace the opportunity of working here” bullet. The “peer review feedback” bullet is the one that bothers me the least. I know the capsule will conjure all sorts of annual statements from “you don’t smile enough”, “you talk too much”, “you need more projects”, “you need more training”, “you are getting there, maybe next year or maybe 2”. So I duck and dive in my tailored suit and designer shoes.
Why is it that I need to step in another persona? Am I not good enough the way that my mother raised me, am I not good enough just the way my community raised me? From the way I pronounce my words I am ridiculed, from the way that I respect my elders I’m told it’s a sign of a lack of confidence, but my mother who knows it all told me, “you don’t look at into an elder’s eyes, it’s a sign of disrespect”. Then what is it “lack of confidence” or “sign of disrespect”... I am forced to choose.
My parents granted me the opportunity to get a white man’s education, they granted me the opportunity to go to an institution of higher education and through the way they raised me allowed me to be able to be confident in seeking employment in a white man’s company. Up until then I was good enough just the way I am. On the other side of the capsule I am taught “Business Etiquette” which I support 100% however in the process I am silently and invisibly forced to change who I am in order to fit in, in order to be considered a “team player”. I still ask but why am I not good enough just the way I am?
I figure this is how it is when starting out at work, things do get better, once they get to know what a lovely person I am then I don’t have to pretend to be what I am not...but for now let me just continue. I see my brothers and sisters in the capsule, manoeuvring around the bullets. I ask myself if they don’t see the psychological warfare against them. They seem to be taking it along in their strides very well. Fancy cars, townhouses, designer bags and imported shirts, you name it they got it and they can’t wait to tell me all about it, day in, day out. But they don’t talk about how they are on conveyor belts while their white counterparts are on escalators. The conveyor belts move in and out while escalators move in and up.
Years down the line I don’t recognise me anymore... A younger me came through the capsule with hope in her heart and now sees an older version of herself and asks, “How do I survive this capsule, how do I make sure I’m an executive in 5 years?” Sheepishly I’m taken back to the choices I was forced to make in order to survive the capsule. Was I really forced? Oh the sweet taste of money, the privilege to be part of the townhouse brigade, to drive a luxury car, to wear the best designer suits and the joy of having a booming social life at 25. Besides there’s a price to everything...at what cost did I want to be a “team player”.
I have a goal and that is to be an Executive, have I become that Executive? Yes I have. Am I who my mother and my community raised? The young girl who had all the confidence in the world, the type of confidence that was brewed from basic human principles of ubuntu? The principle that said “umntu ngumntu ngabantu”; “do unto others as you would like them to do unto you”; “humility and respect of another human being”. The African principles that moulded African thinkers like Bantu Biko. I don’t think so. What my eyes have seen and my ears have heard in my journey to be that Executive should not be seen or heard by the younger version of me. The constant emotional and mental struggle of who I am and what I want to be in the backdrop of an environment that borders on amorality. Did I become that Executive honestly...or was it a figment of my imagination? I have become what they want me to be “the different black” and besides what is the big deal (I think to myself) I have my townhouse, my luxury car and my designer suits. It is a big deal because I am not who my mother, my community raised me to be.
As age and wisdom sets in on my journey, in and out of the capsule, my beautiful black spirit consistently begs me to find my purpose. My contribution to my people is questionable. I can only see glimpses of my courage to stand by that which makes me a proud African. I have spent 8 hours of so many work days letting go of me and clutching onto what is good for the capsule. I now see through the illusion of the capsule in its entirety and how many have fallen for it. The creation of the misfit well educated and trained to continually adapt to be the other. I see through the illusion of only allowing blacks to be the chocolate sprinkle of white corporate coffee, whose coffee beans are the products of ill gotten gains of black labour and land. I see how my being here dealing with these bonus coated bullets, peer review feedback bullets is a bogus plot to make sure I don’t find the fire in me. The burning fire that made Biko get up, walk and talk black pride.
The other side of the capsule has been built on models that only benefit those that are like them or become like them. I want to be me and still succeed with my best shining brighter than ever. It is possible only if the basic human principle form part of the model. I have found the me that my mother raised, that my community raised and I have a choice to remain on the other side of the capsule and fight for change for the younger me or to leave and be with others like me or establish the other side of the capsule whose model is based on the basic human principles. I will then no longer be forced to choose.
My name is Sihle Cengimbo, I work at one of the big four banks as a Financial Manager. The article above really spells out the truth. Black talent is not utilised in white companies. I mean I have seen a lot of black people who go get their MBA's, get some sort of management training, PDM's etc but they never last more than a year after their studies. Usually they woiuld leave to other companies to seek greener which pastures which I very much doubt they would find. Most of this so called black talent doesn't reach Director level. With regards to the capsule article yes as a black people we do change when we enter it. We forget about we have been taught while growing up and adapt to the white culture. I was chatting to a friend of mine last week who works in the same bank and we said that as a black people we should "think out of the office". All in all as black people I don't think we are being overly sensitive, we want a bit of recognition of our values and cultures. Unity in diversity is very important. If we don't accept each other's way of doing things then I'm afrain we still have a long way to go.
ReplyDeleteHi Andy Mnguni here and I am a Manager in one of the JSE listed companies,
ReplyDeleteVery truthful and interesting article my brother.
I cant agree with you more Amasi.
Response to your questions:
From this article, I wish to pose three questions to both black and white employees in corporate South Africa.
1. To black professionals (African, Indian, Coloured, Chinese etc) Does this article represent the experience of today’s young black professional in corporate SA or are we just being overly sensitive? Kindly give a detailed view.
Yes the article is spelling out exactly what the status core is and there are no over insensitivities but facts.
the excuse is always that Black professionals are not ready yet but close and are always requiring a bit of more experience before they can be considered and the management does not want to frustrate the blacks by putting them in those positions too early before they are ready, meanwhile the reality is that the Whites counterparts are even less experienced and exposed than Blacks.
2. To white professionals: What in your view stands in the way of black professionals succeeding in corporate SA?
N/A
3. All racial groups: There is a general subtle discontent around how transformation has been implemented. For black people, it is “too slow” while for white people it is “unfair”. How would you propose that transformation be implemented in corporate SA, especially in the wake of the recent Woolworths saga regarding their Employment Equity policy? Kindly note that I am not asking weather or not transformation should be implemented.
I think the transformation is coming in okay but yes it is a bit slow and companies are finding loop holes within the system.
My view is that the government need to tighten the screws and heavy fines should be applied to all companies who do not meet the targets and involve SARS in the process whereby checks and balances can be made to see how the companies are doing and where the movements are in terms of salaries and positions. Again if SARS can apply hefty fines to non-complying corporates in terms of the set targets.